I guess I’m a conditional social person nowadays.
I will fuck with you all day. I’m a champion of structured daytime activities. But nighttime??? Like I’m a warm weather Saturday evening wine drinking go-out-to-dinner-then-go-to-bed type. If there are crowds, lines, shitty music, cold air, no quiet for conversation, or no place to sit I can’t be there. I did that 2005-2010— I’m good. I could be at home getting adequate rest, having nice ppl over or doing something alone that makes me happy.
Idk I’ve just spent my entire adult life up until very recently WITH other people all the time— living with them (meaning without my own room or with my parents— GRATEFUL for it, but not ideal), deeply engaging them when I didn’t have the energy (which is like the essential building block to being a bad friend/ family member), or being in a really, dead ass serious relationship. The last time in my life when I spent any significant time alone I was actually NINETEEN.
I only have so much energy and I’ve given too much away to other people, at every level and in every sphere of my life. That route hasn’t done the lot of us any good, so I kind of want to try it another way, you dig? If I take care of me, I can take care of you. Seems to actually be working.
So if I wanna be in the house at night, let my ass be in the house. You’re absolutely welcome to visit.
I drank with my coworkers tonight (last night?) and though they’re very nice people (if you know me, you know this is a huge relief), hanging out with them reminded me that I don’t really like to drink on some “just because”, especially not on Fridays.
Like I’m genuinely sad I didn’t get to spend Friday night seasoning my own organic pork sausage, making guacamole for Saturday breakfast, hydrating, taking a hot bath, and catching up on Elementary. Like I have a new hair product I’ve been waiting 6 days to try. I had PLANS.
Like I only get so much time away from work. Why would I spend that drinking warm beer and not decompressing and clearing my mind?
(In other concerns: How will this delightful hermit attitude make me any friends/ find me a man?)
People think I’m playing but seriously this R. Kelly resurgence via Lady Gaga just makes me genuinely sad. We don’t love ourselves.